were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
