I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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