You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
