Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
