She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
