Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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