You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
