You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think your dad took our porno
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
