chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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