I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
