pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
