Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
