all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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