So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it hurts more in the daytime
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
