I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
