"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
