Where is the hickey?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
