In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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