ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
