her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
