I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
