So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize