HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How's work?
Spinning.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
