Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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