did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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