Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
