ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You took a bar mat shot.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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