Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
