Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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