Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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