We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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