I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Found the puke drawer
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
