I just pynch a tree in the face
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
