planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
