I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
