You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
