The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
