Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
