I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
