im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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