There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
