Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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