6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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