We're facebook friends in real life
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
