he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
