before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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