Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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