So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
