I accidentally burped into my bong.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
