Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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