i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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