Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
