sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
