So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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