Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
