you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
