@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
