The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
