Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
