Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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