I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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