How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Someone signed my nipple.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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