So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
