is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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