I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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