I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm always down for nudity.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
