Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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