Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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