You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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