weddingsv make me drug and hornr
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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