It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
