Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
God I need to hump something, right now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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