My ATM looks so different sober.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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