Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
