Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize